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Defining happiness

“Happiness is not��defined the same way��by all people,” Dutton explains. “And you shouldn’t confuse it with��excitement or joy. Those are ingredients for happiness, but they’re not [actually] happiness.”

If this sounds like a game of semantics, consider this: Happiness is an umbrella that includes contentment, excitement, joy and euphoria. All those feelings��contribute to feeling happy,��but none encapsulates happiness completely.

Instead, happiness stems from finding and living according to your sense of purpose. “It’s defined by��what makes you get out of bed��in the morning,” Dutton says.

5 steps to finding happiness

Between daily distractions and a general disconnect from our evolving sense of what we want in life, it can be easy to lose our way when it comes to finding happiness. Here’s a road map for rediscovering it.

1.������What you think is what you end up believing

Likening mindset to an AI algorithm, Dutton says that one’s mindset is self-perpetuating. If on social media, you click on a couple of cat videos, the platform’s algorithm will keep on feeding you cat videos. Pretty soon, you’ll have a sense that all cats are capable of quirky, acrobatic feats.

The same goes for how you view yourself. If you consider yourself unlucky or somehow “less than,” you tend to��find reinforcement in the external world. What was once a fear or opinion becomes validated, reinforced and perpetuated to where you eventually are the thing you don’t necessarily want to be.

Or, to put it another way, you are the��gatekeeper of what you think and believe. Be discriminating about what you let into your mind.

2.������Be your own cheerleader

Narcissism is never a good look, but confidence is. Unfortunately, a lot of people struggle to find the latter and end up erring on the side of low self-esteem.

“Negative self-talk is easy,” Dutton acknowledges. Any misstep — forgetting someone’s birthday or not doing well on an exam — can be cause for becoming your own worst detractor if you let it.

Instead, Dutton recommends��checking in with yourself��each morning and evening and engaging in a positive pep talk. This doesn’t have to be embarrassing or over the top but simply a moment to create a framework for the day and your accomplishments at the end of it.

For example, when you wake up, take a minute to think about��what ��dz�’r�� looking forward to��doing that day, whether it’s finishing your dissertation or just getting the kids to school on time. Then, before bed, think about something ��dz�’r�� grateful for, whether that’s good health or getting the laundry done.

This, in effect,����to think and feel better. “Your brain starts thinking positively, and that positivity blossoms in [your] umbrella of happiness,” Dutton explains.

3.������Embrace your purpose

Life is largely written by little moments. Yes, big life events (marriage, kids, owning a home) are the punctuation marks, but what fills in the bulk of your story? How do you lend meaning to each day?

For many people, purpose can be found in��work, relationships and how they as individuals contribute to the world. This doesn’t mean running for office or becoming a celebrity. It does mean��lifting up��your co-workers,��making eye contact��with your baristas and servers when you thank them and��being courteous��to people you come in contact with.

One analogy is the����in which visitors eschew the “Insta-worthy” approach of showcasing their vacations and embrace the idea of really discovering a place, engaging with the culture and contributing to it in some way.

So, ask yourself this question:��How can you make the world a better place for having been in it?��Your answer to that is very likely your life’s purpose.

4.������Put others first

“Whenever I go through a drive-through, I always pay for the car behind me,” Dutton says. “It makes me feel good. I want them to know��somebody thought about them.”

This is an example of an attitude more than a prescription for activity. Thinking of others can look many different ways, and it doesn’t have to cost a cent. Yes, donating to good causes is admirable and necessary. Yes, it’s a generous and wonderful thing to treat someone to lunch or buy coffee for a stranger. But with the current economy making everyone’s disposable income a little dearer, it may be more doable — and arguably more meaningful — to find ways to��recognize people around you.

Dutton, for example, will send a handwritten note of thanks to faculty who have gone above and beyond. Doing the same for a friend or colleague, even over email, creates a similar positive effect.��Checking in on friends��who are going through a tough time,��calling someone out��in a meeting for a job well done or��carving out time��to spend with a loved one are all gifts that effectively put others first.

“Just helping out your fellow human beings will add to your happiness,” Dutton says. “It makes them have a good feeling, and maybe that will cause a ripple effect on other people.”